We humans aren’t very good at being uncomfortable. Even if we are capable of pushing our abilities in one area, we tend to cling to the familiar. This is understandable. We need a comfortable framework to process change. But attachment, ego clinging and reliance on one’s known experience, can become huge obstacles to meaningful personal growth. When our personal history is filled with stories of pain, disappointment, betrayal, decisions riddled with difficult consequences, it feels nearly impossible to navigate the world with a trusting open mind and heart.
Of course, before we can even consider fumbling back into the external world, we have to give ourselves time to process pain, fear, anger, disappointment, trauma, etc. And a lot of us half-ass this necessary strep to growth and greater self-awareness. It takes courage and vulnerability to walk the warrior path of heart. We are afraid of sitting with the confusion and pain so we distract ourselves or play the victim roll and blame others for our struggles. We protect our heart by relying on the bully of our ego and pretend we have all the answers. Or we act like everything is peachy and use false positivity as a bandaid, temporarily ignoring the gremlins of our past. All of these mechanisms are ways we numb out or run away from the real work, from our true inner selves.
But let’s say we’ve done the heavy lifting: the honest self-reflection, processing and healing of our inner being (of course this is a life long practice that we must keep coming back to). How do we let go of the hold that the memories have on us? How do we refrain from continuously reliving the memories of our scars? How do we confront the unknown without imprinting it with the experiences of the past?
Honestly, I’m asking this as someone who finds herself in the mire of this exact quandary. I can’t ignore the wisdom I’ve gained through what I’ve experienced and witnessed but I don’t want to cage myself into a protective bubble through the anticipation and repetition of past injuries?
So here’s my current system for navigating the world through this healed version of myself. Keep in mind, it’s a work in progress and I’d love to workshop it with you. I’m regularly checking in with myself by using tools of honest self-awareness such as meditation, journaling, prayer and processing with supportive beings. I’m trying to stay in check with what resonates with my overall wellbeing versus what may be a repetition of a negative past pattern or a reaction triggered by past trauma. And I’m going heavy on boundaries. I’m selfish with my peace, my light, my body, my wisdom.
I’m taking slow baby steps, which is challenging for this adventure seeking spirit. But it feels like I’m finally creating a life based on the desires of my heart instead of past conditioning, the fear of my mind and my impatient needy ego.
I’d love if you would share with me your path to personal growth. Let’s support each other on the path of heart. From fear to love, from conditioning to liberation.